please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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