i already hear my dad disowning me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
