she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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