Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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