I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
