Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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