Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
