so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
