I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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