the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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