I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
