You really coming over, don't trick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
