I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
