lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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