Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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