Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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