FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
