before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
