He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
