i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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