I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
