look no pants
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
