Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
