so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
