She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
