your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i've created a new STD.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When are your genitals available?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
