I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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