My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
