Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
