Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
