even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
