Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
