my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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