My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
