You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
