I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
