i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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