I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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