it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
