franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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