I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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