she woke up with a sticky ear
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
