That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
