Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
