Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
