I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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