it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
