ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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