i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
