babies were throwing up all over the place
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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