I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
