yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
