I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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