found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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