gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
