I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize