All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
