I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
