Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
