i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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