My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
