My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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