lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
