If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
