I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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