The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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