Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
