I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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