You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
