Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
