I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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