If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
